Dying is no big deal; it's living that can be tough

Every time I pay my last respects at a funeral, I tend to wonder about the statement that the deceased “is now in a better place.” However, I think I have finally figured why people say that the individual who has died is on to better things.

From someone who has cheated death on several occasions, I remember well having seizures in my continued bout with epilepsy dating back to the time I was about seven years of age.

The epilepsy has been removed from my life thanks to the work of doctors at Scripps Green Hospital, where at the age of 43, right-side temporal lobectomy brain surgery Dec. 6, 1994 not only ended the seizures but probably saved my life at the same time.

One day before the surgery, I would have four seizures. The next day, my doctors that included brain surgeon Dr. Thomas Waltz and neurologist Dr. Andy Aung removed a sizeable chunk of my brain to end a long battle.
With the space I now have on the right side of my head, I joke that I am literally an airhead. An MRI earlier this year showed a significant gap behind my right eye.

However, while I am well now, I often think back about the seizures I experienced for decades. They would strike unexpectedly and in some cases, I would awaken confused, tired and frightened at the experience.

In some cases, epileptic seizures can result in death. However, when an epileptic has a seizure, there generally is no pain considering that the person sometime passes out only to awaken some time later.

My own life could have been ended quickly, although in each case I would recover to face another day. And after thinking about the many years with epilepsy, it finally struck me that dying would not have been a big deal considering the fact that it happened so quickly.

Truth be known, awakening was the hard part knowing that surviving the next day would provide the biggest challenge of all. Facing the reality of one issue after another is actually our greatest test.

Slumping to the ground wasn’t a big deal, although it did create an embarrassment factor that was tough to live with. While recovering from the seizure, there was a level of relief along with an element of mystery knowing this sort of thing could happen anywhere, anytime.

Personally, I am glad I survived my own health issues. However, the fact remains that I have begun to realize that today’s woes ranging from a sagging economy to simply paying bills is not easy.

And on several occasions, I was a candidate to move on to “a better place.” I no longer would have had to worry about the long list of challenges that seem to get even greater as we get older.

I could have been a simple memory, but instead I arose to face another day. Surely, there is a reason.

When Dave Matthews Band saxophonist LeRoi Moore died from complications related to an ATV crash, Matthews told a crowd at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, “It’s always easier to leave than be left.”

I mean, dying would have been a painless step -- no big deal. It’s the surviving part that can be a real drag and I’m starting to realize why many say the Golden Years can make epilepsy-related headaches seem minor.
In an instant, it could have all been over. One more mention in an obituary notice.

However, there was apparently more on the board for me to do before getting to a better place. It wasn’t time to give up yet even though checking out would have been much easier.

And I’ll take the extra time on earth. Besides, I have never been one to give up.

Mike Henle is a Las Vegas-based freelance writer and the author of “Through the Darkness: One Man’s Fight to Overcome Epilepsy.” He can be contacted via email at mhenle@aol.com, or through his web site www.mikehenle.com